On Release

I’ve thought about writing this post for a long time, although I’ve often imagined it would be a day that never arrived.
I’ve considered writing a humorous post; a profound post; maybe even one that involved the eating of actual food. It strikes me as rather odd that the end of this chapter is as much about writing on Facebook as anything else, but social media has been a source of both great comfort and great pain throughout my time living with anorexia, and so it only seems fitting.
So what I actually need to say is ‘thankyou’. To those of you who’ve been there – friends, family, people I’ve met whilst I’ve been trying to pick my way through the mess that has been my mind – I am not sure that you can ever understand the depth of my gratefulness or my love for you.
I’m not naming names in this post because there are faaar too many of you, but I would like to say that I owe such a lot to Annette, Fiona and Alison(alongside others) who got me through my degree when I probably shouldn’t have still been doing it. That I went into hospital with a degree and then had something so important to look forward to was so inexplicably invaluable.
Also, to those of you who nearly ruined my life but didn’t: I don’t forgive you because you don’t deserve it, but I can finally move on and forget. The gift of knowing that I was never the odd one; never the bad one and never the one in the wrong has been a wonderful, painful, frightening, confusing but, ultimately, liberating experience.
Today is my day. The day when I can look back at the person I was right at the beginning, whenever that was, and will her on. Knowing that, eventually, she will make it.
Never give up; never stop believing; never lose hope.
I don’t know how to end this, but maybe that is because this isn’t the end…

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